What the hell is going on?

I started reading this:
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/embracing-the-moment-when-it-sucks-dealing-with-death/
and began zoning out.

I zone all the freaking time!

I need to go back and read that article. And actually READ it.

I don't think I can accept it yet. Or only accept it in a weird way. A way that is happy and laid back. I don't want to embrace it fully. I have a hold on it. But if I can't even read the short article above.... that can't be right.

I don't really know what to do.  I am preventing myself from breaking, I guess... I think...

He's just still here.

I don't know how to process this, honestly.

Is he here or is he gone..... both.... right??

How can I process this when I don't understand it? How can I understand it if I refuse to fully process it? How could I fucking process this?! I'm a mere human being. :(

In the Zone. Hardcore.

This is all so unreal. Happening so fast. Going on two hours of sleep doesn't help, but I am glad I got two hours in.

I'm so zoney. Stay with it.

I've never missed a flight before. I missed my flight and I was right next to the gate. In my defense, I hate this airport... It is huge, crazy, and confusing. I guess it would make sense that I would hate George Bush's airport.

My brain is mush. I am tired.

Tony is gone but not gone.

It's times like these where I start to question reality.

Well, hopefully I make this standby flight. T-minus 2.5 hours. I hope there's a spot for me......